oh my god i’m fucking sick of this generation’s mentality that your sadness is beautiful and somebody will fix you and all this fucking john green shit nobody will find you in a bookstore reading bukowski and want to lie with you and nobody will kiss your scars and you will not be like effie and freddie you’ve got to be your own fucking hero and surround yourself with positivity
You know what I’m sick of? People saying you have to be your own hero all the time, because guess what? You don’t have to be your own fucking hero. Sometimes you just can’t and you need someone to come along, pick you up, dust you off, and push you back into reality. It’s just too hard sometimes to get out of your own head and it can take someone to get you out because you. just. can’t. do it on your own all the time. It’s not always that simple no matter how hard you try because there are some things that just fuck you up forever. And that’s okay because it makes you a stronger person in the long run, but right when or after it’s happened you can’t be strong. You have no way to because it’s all been sucked out of you. It’s okay to need someone to give you a little strength and find you in a bookstore reading Bukowski and want to lie with you and kiss your scars and let you know that you are not beautiful despite them you are beautiful and strong and wonderful because of them. It’s not just that easy to surround yourself with positivity because there are times when you don’t even know you’re surrounded by negativity because you have been so beaten down and broken that you don’t know the difference. You might not even realise the difference until someone finds you in that bookstore and kisses your scars and makes you see that there is positivity and that there is a light that shines from within you even if someone else has tried to snuff it out for so long that it’s barely even a glimmer. There is nothing about that’s beautiful or romantic. It is horrible and awful, but things like that aren’t always in your control. Sadness is not beautiful; it is an ugly monster that leaves you with jagged wounds that won’t ever fully heal. But you know what is beautiful? The fact that your scars make you a whole being with experience and ups and downs and that you can feel all of these emotions. It’s beautiful that you can feel pain so deep that your entire body and spirit aches. It’s beautiful that you can sit on your friend’s bed and cry so hard that your body shakes and your teeth chatter and all you can do let your friend hold you and smooth down your hair sharing in your anguish. That agony you feel is the least beautiful thing in existence, but the fact that you can feel that is so beautiful because it makes you human and it makes you real. It gives you more substance that a character in a John Green novel could ever have.
But when that person does find you in the bookstore reading Bukowski and picks you up out of your misery, you can’t let them become your whole world. You have to learn from what they taught you and pick yourself up when you stumble because they might not always be there. Life is about learning, so learn from them while you have them in your life and pat yourself on the back for taking care of yourself because that’s a really hard job. But to think that you will always be alone is a horribly cynical and completely unrealistic way of thinking. There will always be someone there for you, even if you don’t realise it. That person might not be a romantic interest, but a friend can still find you reading Bukowski and kiss your scars and lend you a little strength. You’re so right in saying that no one is ever going to fix you because ultimately you are the only person who can do that. But there will always be someone who will teach you how to do that and you will never have to do it all by yourself.